


Is your heart still beating for me?

by commander_lexa



Series: winter and everything after [4]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2019-01-04 17:06:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12173151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/commander_lexa/pseuds/commander_lexa
Summary: Zoë dies. This follows her days in the underworld, and her remembering of things she loved in life.





	Is your heart still beating for me?

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't been writing much often, but this is a couple I cannot leave, and it feels good to be back. This will make a lot more sense if you read my other stories in the winter and everything after series. Thanks to those who have stuck with me. Enjoy.

A single tear runs down Artemis' cheek and Zoë reaches up to catch it but she cannot move. She cannot move, and then she is gone, disappeared in a wisp of smoke as if she were never there at all.

She lands in the underworld with a violet crash, rolling through the dirt for what feels like miles until she is able to stand. She reaches for her bow only to realize that for once it has not appeared. Hand curling around thin air, she looks up for the stars only to find that there are none. She has never been to the underworld before, but she knows where she is almost immediately. She climbs onto the boat with a numbness she has not felt since she had joined the Hunters. She reaches up to feel for her lieutenant's crown. It's still there. 

A man in a dark cloak -Charon, she recalls from the stories, though she has been lucky enough to never have met him- stands in the row boat and puts out his hand, palm up. He stands, unmoving, until she withdraws the coin from under her tongue and presses it into his waiting hand. It is covered in saliva, but he doesn't seem to mind. Voices calls up from below her, screaming in agony, but Zoë feels numb.

She's dead. And, even worse, she is alone. 

They arrive to the other side in what could be minutes or hours, Zoë is not sure. She does not look at the Ferryman as she exits the boat. At the gates, the three-headed dog is sleeping peacefully. He reminds her of her dragon, and she feels for the bite on her side in sudden recollection, but the wound it gone. She walks into the underworld without so much as a closed gate stopping her. Once inside, it swings shut, and a voice from nowhere booms. 

"Zoë Nightshade, you stand in front of the King and Queen of the Underworld. Prepare to make your case and meet your judgement." 

Zoë tilts her chin up. On a pair of thrones high above her sit Hades and Persephone. They are both close and far at the same time, but Zoë can still make out their faces. They look sad. 

"Lord Hades. Lady Persephone," she greets, bowing her head once, and then again. Normally, she would feel out of place among the God and Goddess, and this would be the point where Artemis would tell her to calm down. She is too numb to be thinking of any of those things right now. Instead, she stands with surprising calmness as she waits for her fate. 

"Zoë Nightshade. Former Hesperide. Loyal hunter, and later lieutenant of the Goddess Artemis," Hades says, voice booming. "Would you like to make your case?"

Zoë flinches at the mention of her name, the pain still raw. She seems the pity in their eyes as she does so and it makes her seethe. She wants to tell him to send her back even though she knows this isn't possible. She wants to kick and scream until she is thrown back into her body, warm and breathing. Zoë Nightshade was never afraid of dying until she had something to lose. Zoë Nightshade was never afraid of dying until she saw the look on Artemis's face when she was. She knows it will haunt her for the rest of her afterlife. It fills her with so much hurt that she can barely open her mouth to speak. 

"I believe thou hast said all that needs to be said, Lord Hades," she replies.

Hades nods. Beside him, Persephone cracks a smile. "Very well," he decides, banging his fist on the arm of his chair as a judge would do with a gavel. 

He sends her to Elysium, but her heart is already in Tartarus.

* * *

"I love you I love you I love you," Artemis whispers in the dead of night, when the moon is full and the stars are out. They had only retired an hour ago, so Zoë is still conscious, floating blissfully between sleep and wake.

She smiles against Artemis's shoulder, cold lips shifting against warm skin. "I know," she murmurs, eyes still shut. "Thee says it each night," she reminds playfully.

Artemis chuckles softly, shaking both of them. "That I do," she responds. "I need to make sure you do not forget."

"How could I ever forget?" Zoë replies peacefully, sleep seeping into her bones. She is warm all over, safe and wrapped up in her goddess' arms. How could anyone not feel loved when they were living like this?

"I love you as well," Zoë says after a moment of silence, realizing that she had never returned the sentiment. 

Artemis chuckles from above her. "I know. You say it every night," she responses playfully. 

Zoë pulls her head up, and she wants to chide Artemis for the teasing but all she can do is smile. "As I should," she says, then tilts her head to the side, dark hair spilling over her shoulder. Artemis reaches up to brush some aside, and the huntress leans into the touch. "You make me so happy, Artemis," she whispers. "I never thought I would be so happy."

Artemis chuckles, hand cupping Zoë's cheek. "I cannot imagine my life without you, my love," she replies. "When I say I love you, it is forever."

Zoë nods. "Forever," she repeats.

* * *

Elysium is full of heroes. Zoë does not feel like one of them.

She searches for someone she knows, for past hunters, for people whose path she had crossed in life, but she finds no one. Perhaps they didn't make it to Elysium, but the thought makes her sick to her stomach. Why would she make it to Elysium and not them? Is loving Artemis the only thing that got her here, because that what not an act of heroism, it was an act of necessity. 

Elysium feels like Hell to her. The open fields and bright skies make her long for the woods, and even the forest that the paradise creates for her does not feel like enough. It does not have the same endless skies as earth, the same air, the same noises. It all feels like second best and Zoë's heart aches. She knows she should be grateful, grateful for the time she spent of earth and grateful for the afterlife she has been granted, but all she can feel is heartbreak. She is haunted by the knowledge that she will never be happy without her hunters. Without Artemis. 

Everyone around her is so joyful, so happy. The dead walk around so full of life, but all Zoë can feel is her still and heavy heart hanging in her chest. 

Her death haunts her. She wonders how Artemis is, if her golden blood has stopped dripping. She wonders if her father is still stuck beneath the sky, where he deserves to be. He wonders how her hunters are, she wishes she could tell them not to mourn her, she wishes she could tell them that she is alright even though she isn't. 

She tries to look to the stars for answer, as she did so often in life, but there are no stars in Elysium.

* * *

It is days before he finds her. It is funny how she cannot find anyone she is looking for and still find a boy she never wanted to see again. He approaches her slowly, looking just the way he did when he left her in her garden. She hopes that she looks different. She hopes he can see Artemis's influence in the way she stands, the way she talks, the crown on her head. She wants him to know that she was never his for more than a minute. 

He stares at her for a long time, sadness in his eyes. She remembers when he died. She did not cry for him. 

"Hercules," she greets after a stretched out minute of silence, patience wearing thin. 

"Zoë," the hero responds, taking a seat on the grass across from her without invitation. Even in death he has invaded her space. "I have been looking for you."

This would surprise Zoë if he wasn't here with her. One does not just stumble upon an old friend in Elysium, you must go looking in order to find someone. Zoë wishes it were as easy to avoid a person. "Thou hast found me." 

No doubt feeling the ice in her words, Hercules runs a nervous hand through his thick hair. A younger Zoë, one naive and fresh to life, might have found the act charming, however the Zoë who is fresh to death finds bile rising in the back of her throat, memories of betrayal rushing back to her. 

Zoë does not have time for this. She is still mourning her own death, still searching for those that she has lost, she does not have the patience for a boy who no longer knows her. "Why art thou here?" she asks sharply. 

Hercules clears his throat. "Listen Zoë," he begins, "I know this has been much too long coming, but I want to apologize to you. What I did was horrible, and selfish, and was done by someone who isn't me anymore," he licked his lips, trying to gauge her reaction, but Zoë doesn't budge. "I'm sorry." 

Zoë regards him for a long moment. She wants to say that she does not care for an apology from him, not anymore. She wants to say that he is centuries too late, and that even if he weren't it would not be okay. She wants him to know that her still heart feels nothing for him, and even when it was beating it felt nothing compared to the love she has known for the past thousand years. She wants to take back everything she ever gave him. He does not deserve it, just as he does not deserve her apology. 

"I forgive thee," Zoë says after she has made him squirm long enough, her hands clasped in front of her.

Hercules breaks out into a smile. "That's great Zoë, you do not know how happy this makes m-"

"I want you to know I am forgiving thee not to make thee feel better, but for myself," Zoë corrects sharply, cutting him off. "I am only forgiving thee, because the worst thing that ever happened to me brought me the best thing, and that is my own doing, brought about by my only foolishness, not you," she spits, thousands of years of anger bubbling up under her tongue. "Thou art forgiven because I say it, not because thee deserves it." 

Hercules' smile melts off his face. His golden eyes flicked to the crown atop her head, still perfectly placed even in death. It does not look hurt, or angry, only a bit sad. "I heard you made a wonderful huntress. I am sorry I never got to see it in life." 

It is the worst thing he could say, and it reminds Zoë exactly why she is here facing him and not in the woods with her girls. Her fist tightens and she wishes for her bow more than anything, by elysium doesn't tolerate violence in the same way Zoë has experienced all her life. 

"I never want to see you again," Zoë says finally, voice firm and even. 

Hercules nods once, and begins walking backwards away from her. A small smile appears on his face. "I think in another life, one where I didn't mess up, we could have loved each other like you love her," he says with a smirk that betrays the innocence he is trying to convey. 

Zoë's lips twitches, teeth clenched. "I think not," she replies, and he is gone.

* * *

"Did you love him?" Zoë asks as she stares at the stars that night, a new constellation twinkling above them. 

Artemis looks over to Zoë. She has been unusually quiet since the battle ended, since she sent Orion to the stars. She reaches over to run her fingers over the fresh wound on Zoë's shoulder, left by Orion's arrow. Zoë flinches ever so slightly, and Artemis withdraws, an apology in her eyes. 

"Yes," the goddess answers finally. "I did. A long time ago. But I was young, and foolish, as you know. And then he betrayed me." Zoë pulls her eyes from the sky to meet Artemis's. She wonders how long her lady has been staring at her. Artemis gives her a small smile, but it fails to hide her pain. "My tastes have changed."

Zoë looks down. "I'm sorry I failed thee." 

Artemis reaches forwards, a gentle hand under Zoë's chin to guide her back. Zoë follows without question. "And how have you possibly failed me, my dear?"

Zoë feels like crying but she doesn't know why. She squeezes her eyes shut. "I couldn't defeat him. I got injured. And then you have to, you shouldn't have had too..."

"But I did, and I'm glad. It's over," Artemis states firmly. "When he hurt you, when I thought I had lost you...Zoë, I would rip the world apart for you, you know this."

The catch in Artemis's voice makes Zoë's eyes open. She is not caught of guard by the confession, not necessarily, but her heart beat quickens none the less. She cups Artemis's face with a gentle hand. "Artemis," she breathes. 

Artemis shakes her head softly, her hand reaching up to cover Zoë's. "I have loved before, it is true, but not like you, my dear. I love you the most, the longest, the truest, the deepest. By far. Do not forget this."

Zoë swallows thickly. "I will not."

"Promise me."

Zoë nods. "I promise." Taking their intertwined hands, Zoë presses them to her heart, meeting the goddess's eyes. "My heart beats for you, Lady Artemis, Goddess of the Moon, Protector of Girls, Huntress, lover, mine." She presses her hand deeper. "My heart is yours." 

"And mine yours," Artemis replies, leaning forwards to connect their lips. "And mine yours..."

* * *

She has lost track of the days by the time he comes. He looks different and the same, as he always does, his smile as bright as the sun. He looks so much like her that Zoë's heart almost stops. She has never been happier to see him.

She rushes up to him before she can realize what she is doing, stopping just short of throwing herself into his arms. She would flush if it were possible, clearing her throat.

"Lord Apollo," she greets with a bow of her head. The underworld has not yet erased two millennia of politeness in earth. "What are you doing here? I thought the other Gods could not come into the underworld. Is she-" 

Apollo holds out a hand to silence her. He takes off his sun glasses and sets them on top of his head. "She's fine, Zoë, calm down before you have a heart attack. Wait, is that even possible?" He furrows his brows for a moment, pondering the question before turning back to Zoë, smiling. "How've you been?" he asked conversationally. 

Zoë huffs, shooting him an incredulous look. She's been dead, dead and away from the one she loves, how good can she really be? "Why art thou here?" she asks once more. "How did you get here? I thought Lord Hades didn't allow it."

Apollo rolls his eyes. He is grinning in the sunny way that only he could manage down in the land of the dead. "Uncle Hades is a big grump. Besides, he doesn't have a say in this. I'm on official Fates business." 

Zoë's brows furrow. She is more confused now than ever. "Fates?" she questions. "I'm afraid I don't follow." 

"I'm here to take you home." 

Sputtering, Zoë's hand flew to her chest. If her heart could speed up it would, but it remains still in her tight chest. "But how?" 

"I'll explain later," Apollo promises, though she doubts he will. He takes both of her hands in his and smiles. "Aren't I the best big brother ever?" 

He begins to glow. Zoë closes her eyes on instinct, tucking her head to her chest as she did each time she travelled like this with Artemis. They land with a solid thump and Zoë inhales sharply at the impact. 

She takes a deep breath and - wait, she's breathing. She glances up at Apollo, who has already stepped away from her and slid his sunglasses back on. He smiles at her. "Welcome back to the land of the living." 

"Lord Apollo...how?" Zoë asks in a breath, hand to her chest. She can feel everything again, so much so that it is almost overwhelming. 

Apollo's grin is contagious. "I got a wish. Thought this would be a good way to use it."

Zoë's eyes fill with tears. She doesn't know what to say. "Thank you."

"Hey hey, save your tears," Apollo replies. "She's on her way." 

He turns away from her then, back to her, but Zoë has frozen in place. Her heart is beating so loud that it is all she can hear. She feels the air shift when Artemis enters the room. Zoë can't see her but she knows, she knows but she is rooted to her spot. Apollo is blocking her, purposely she knows, and she wants to push him out of the way but she knows if she doesn't focus on her breathing she will just stop. It is hard to begin to breathe again when you haven't for so long. 

Apollo steps beside and she's there. She looks just as Zoë remembers her, and just the sight of her makes Zoë feel so damn alive. 

"Artemis."

"Zoë."

Before she knows what is happening, Zoë's arms are open and Artemis is in them. And they are crumbling to the ground, a mess of joyful tears and grabbing hands. Zoë can barely breathe between kisses, peppered on her lips and then all over her face until laughter becomes mingled with tears. 

Still tangled up in each other, Artemis pulls her head away slightly to smile at Zoë. "You're here," she whispers. 

Zoë nods. "I'm here," she repeats. "Oh, Artemis, I missed you so. And the girls. How i-"

Artemis cuts her off with a quick kiss, but it takes her breath away none the less. "All of that later, my dear Zoë, for now I just wish to hold you," she says, pulling Zoë back into a tight embrace. The goddess chuckles, it feels like a second chance the way it vibrates through Zoë's body. She wonders when the last time she laughed was.

Lips against Zoë's shoulder, Artemis observes. "My dear, your heart is beating so quickly." 

Zoë smiles, bright and full of life. "Yes. But Artemis, it's _beating_."


End file.
